PSL: For Hermann

[not_kenway]

Ratonhnhaké:ton had left Hermann safely in his locked up apartment, sleeping off the massage and hopefully getting a decent night's rest without his body screaming pain at him.

he slipped back into his routine. Late nights out on rooftops, sleeping not really enough hours to get up and train and get on with his day.

He didn't contact Hermann. He didn't know when Hermann would be comfortable with seeing him again, so he would wait for him to make contact.

Comments

[orthogonal]

"Aaaaaaah .... " Three different men, who had three very different influences on the man in front of him. He cleared his throat, looking back at the pan.

"I am sorry, Connor. No one should have to go through such loss, and at the hands of his father's own man." He thought about it, before stating simply, "Would you like a hug?"

[not_kenway]

"I was five. I think." The memory should have been faded from the beating he had taken before hand, but everything about that day was blazed crystal clear in his memory.

"No. Thank you. I find being held threatening." He was only held because he was being dragged, pinned, hurt. He had no idea how to let someone touch him if he didn't control the interaction.

[orthogonal]

"... Dear God." Hermann stopped altogether, his eyes widening in horror at all of that. He tried to imagine Henrik in that position, and the acid and the anger that filled his veins made him turn away from his friend.

"If that was done to my son - if they did that sort of thing to my boy ... I would have killed every last one of them with my bare hands. Which would have been exceedingly difficult."

Then he frowned, turning towards the other man. "... then how can you stand to touch me at all?"

[not_kenway]

Connor's tribe weren't the most physical tactile people to begin with, but he did take it to new levels and it had almost undoubtedly started with that assault when he was a child.

"I have no doubt my mother would have, had she ever known. Had she lived. Lee and Hickey beat me unconscious, when I awoke, the village was aflame and within minutes, I was dragged from the longhouse and my mother before the roof collapsed on us."

He rubbed his arm, looking elsewhere. "Because you allow me to control the encounter. You don't try and touch me, or grab me."

[orthogonal]

Hermann looked down at the floor, frowning, before he looked up at the other man soberly. "And I never will."

A faint snort. "Not that it would do me any bit of good anyways. You can probably bench press me twice over."

[not_kenway]

"I know. You respect my need for space. I am grateful for that."

He gave a small smile at the addendum. "I could easily carry you, yes, but that doesn't mean you couldn't be a danger, if you chose. And my... reactions do not seem to be entirely rational."

It was not just training, in other words. Connor had hefty amounts of what, in modern days, would be called PTSD.

[orthogonal]

Hermann smiled a little, before he went back to cooking, but it was clear he was disturbed by all he had heard. He frowned down at the frying pan.

"I am usually not one for therapy, my dear Connor ... but have you considered it?"

[not_kenway]

Therapy, a word meaning treatment for a condition. He thought about that and tried to give it context, but he couldn't piece it into the conversation.

"I do not understand."

[orthogonal]

"Well ... you have odd reactions to people trying to touch you. In many cases, that would mean that you have deeper issues that you wish to speak to someone about." Hermann explained, as he continued making their dinner.

[not_kenway]

"Most people find my reactions... strange. I simply assumed it was a result of my training." Most people didn't start assassin's training at thirteen. Mind you, when he thought about it, he hated being touched back then as well. Kanen was all right, but he also knew Kanen would never hurt him and couldn't take him.

In fact, now he thought about it, he had controlled all those interactions as well. He hummed slightly, frowning. "You... may be right that I am unusual. I do not know what to do about it, though."

Therapy wasn't really a thing in the 1770's.

[orthogonal]

"Well, here in the modern age ... we have people called psychologists." He wasn't sending the man to a psychiatrist, they'd try to put him on some sort of modern drugs that he wasn't quite sure Connor could handle. "You go to them, and they listen to you while you talk. They're able to help you deal with your past issues."

He paused, and sighed. Heavily. "I .. went to one after I lost my legs. Mandatory. It didn't do me a lot of good - I am ten times smarter than they are, after all. However, it might not do you any harm even though you are at least five times smarter than them on a good day."

[not_kenway]

"And that helps? Talking to them about..." He wasn't sure what. Past issues. Whatever that was. Maybe things like 'my mother was burning to death until the longhouse fell on her'. "You believe it would help me with my extreme aversion to contact?"

Many people overlooked that Connor was clever. Very clever. He spoke multiple languages, he managed an entire town and a spy network on his own and still managed to research his assassinations while helping to fight a way. "Does being smarter matter if all they have to do is listen?"

[orthogonal]

"Well, it always helps to have an unbiased opinion - and a sounding board. If nothing else ... you will be able to realize when they are leading you someplace, to work on a deeper issue. It is up to you, my friend, if you want to work on that issue." Yes, he is gesturing with a spatula.

[not_kenway]

Connor is quiet for a while as he thinks about it. He doesn't know if talking will help. He knows that here, at least, it won't hurt him. At home, being vulnerable was being dead. But this is not home. Haytham and Lee are not watching and waiting to slip the blade between his ribs.

"Do you know someone who does this talk treatment?"

[orthogonal]

"I do not, but I can ask around. I know a great deal of people." He gave the other man a long, considering look. "We'll make sure that you find someone good to go with."

[not_kenway]

Connor didn't know if he'd be able to open up to a stranger, but just as he sought to alleviate Hermann's pain, he recognised that Hermann was trying to alleviate his.

He reached to his necklace, stroking one of the bear claws with his fingers, thumb pressing over the tip. "I taught myself to not flinch at a hand on my shoulder or a hand shake. Those are both common from the men of the liberty army. Especially Washington. He is very tactile with me."

[orthogonal]

"You know, I find it so odd to think of Washington as a tactile man... he seems so stern and foreboding in his portraits." Hermann paused, and then gently let the conversation shift happen. "So tell me about him. What was he really like?"

[not_kenway]

"Well, for me he is tactile. He likes to grip my forearm or bicep, pat the shoulder, that sort of thing." Which weren't really overly tactile, except to a people who kept their contact to a minimum, especially with strangers.

"He is a very confident leader and general. I am not certain that his confidence is entirely warranted, but confident he is. He is very even tempered, which endears him to many, compared with Lee's temper. My people call Lee, hm.... Boiling Water." He had to take the moment to translate in his mind. "It is one reason why he was chosen to lead the Revolution, rather than Lee."

He always had a slightly prickled feeling about Washington. He wasn't sure why. The man had done nothing to deserve Connor's wariness and he still showed as a neutral ally.

[orthogonal]

"Interesting ... " For someone who did not touch as much as Hermann did, outside of sex of course, that was fairly tactile. "So he is a confident leader - even tempered - and yet ... yet I feel as if I am missing some part of the equation." He sighed, shaking his head. "My suspicious nature, I suppose."

[not_kenway]

Connor was quiet for a moment. "He is not a good general," he confided. "He is quite a poor general, he has no mind for strategy and war. Lafayette may be the only chance the revolution has of defeating the loyalist troops. And... I have stubbornly stuck by the man's side, because my father dislikes him, but he makes me uncomfortable."

He wasn't sure why. Something about how Washington looked at him made him uncomfortable, but he didn't know why.

[orthogonal]

"You know, that's surprising. It is rumored that he was actually a fairly strong tactical mind, but he had poor support from his own generals, outside of Lafayette of course." He took the pancakes out of the frying pan, putting them onto the plate.

[not_kenway]

"He may have a strong tactical mind, but he does not understand troops. Perhaps in the purest sense of understanding war he is fine, but he is yet to actually win a single battle he has engaged in. Haytham despairs of his ability to defeat the crown."

[orthogonal]

"Well, I suppose that would make for a bad leader. Especially the ones that I know - they acknowledged how to use their people more effectively."

[not_kenway]

Connor gives a slight shrug. "I am not well versed in commanding for war. I have a few people who have... I work with them. They have joined the Brotherhood, we form a network. I send them missions based on their skills. I do not think I could do so on a much larger scale."

He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. "It is smelling good... Would you be willing to help me with my German? I speak it passably, but not as well as I speak English or French."

[orthogonal]

"I haven't done leadership myself - brain tank operations are more my game. In fact I have only had ... one partner in so many years and he annoys the living daylights out of me."

Hermann looked pleased again. "Excellent, for it is almost done." Surprise filled his gaze, but he nodded. "Certainly, my friend. Go ahead, give me a few phrases you know."